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How I Became Coruscating Queen Of All The Realms, Pierced The Obsidian Night, Destroyed A Legendary Sword, And Saved My Heart's True Love

No shit, there I was, knee-deep in necromantic weasels in the lair of the mad wizard-king, when Korgar and Elutriel both decided it was time to win my affections once and for all.

Elutriel had summoned an aura of resistance, an iridescent bubble free of weasels. He struggled forwards, heaving against the weight of their wasted furry bodies.

"Push them into the flames!" I shouted, pointing with Hrrnngnngrrrndr, the Sword of a Hundred Thousand Agonies, at the fire-trap Korgar had triggered as we entered the room.

But Elutriel ignored me and waded toward Korgar instead. He used the aura to shove a wave of writhing, stinking flesh before him until it piled up and over the granite-slab shoulders of the Vhunken warrior.

Essandra wants nothing more than to take down the Mad Wizard King, Terror of the Obsidian Night. Well, technically she wants all the gold and treasure in his lair, but the route to that is through him. It's not a job to take on alone, though, even armed with Hrrnngnngrrrndr, the Sword of a Hundred Thousand Agonies, so she has recruited Korgar the Barbarian and Elutriel the Cleric to "help".

Forthcoming in the anthology No Shit, There I Was (ed. Alex Acks, pub. Alliteration Ink) December 2016.

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